How To Get Respect

Respect comes from defining boundaries and defending those boundaries when someone steps past them. Remember in the movie Pulp Fiction when Vincent and Samuel L. Jackson (yeah, I know that is the actor, but he is such a dominant actor that in every movie, he is SLJ and not the character he plays) and the discussion they had in the hallway before confronting Brad? They were talking about Tony Rockyhara giving Mrs. Wallace a foot massage so the boss threw him out the window? (Although later it was revealed he did something else.)

⁠ That was a discussion about respect. They knew that the boss had boundaries and they did not cross them or there was a punishment.

⁠ Later in the movie, Zed did not care about respect for the boss because the boss could not enforce any kind of boundary, and got butt f-ed by Zed.

⁠ Now, let’s bring it to you. Have you established and communicated your boundaries? Do you defend those boundaries? Have you punished someone for crossing a boundary?

⁠ Now, if you feel that someone is not showing respect, and if you call them on it, and they had no idea, then it indicates you failed to communicate the boundary.

⁠ Once you clearly define the boundary, if they cross it, then they are disrespecting you. At that point, do you defend yourself for the offense? If not, then you have surrendered all respect and will not gain respect until you start defending boundaries, and regaining boundaries costs a lot more than defending them in the first place. And, the more offenses you allow, the more offense they will do.

⁠ At one time, I was the guy who let everyone do whatever to me and did not stand up for myself. In the past few years, that has changed. In some cases, it came to violence. But, afterward, those who saw it, gave me the respect I expected.

⁠ There once was a time when people respected the wishes of others. That is long gone in most places. At one time, you could post a sign stating “NO TRESPASSING” and people respected it. Then came “Trespassers will be prosecuted” when that failed, “Trespassers will be shot”. That last sign is often laughed at until someone comes out with a shotgun, then it gets respected.

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