This is some advice I gave to a friend about her friend. It was such solid gold that I decided to post it here for your enlightenment. My friend’s friend was having trouble with her guy because she was being selfish sexually.
Without further ado:
For your friend. Tell her she needs to learn to have sex to pleasure her mate, not herself. Her response will be, most likely, “oh, he gets pleasure.” But that is not the same thing. She needs to learn to have sex for the other person’s benefit and not her own.
By forgetting about herself, and focusing on making her partner happy, she may not get any pleasure sexually, but she can be happy that she made her partner happy. The biggest problem sexually with most couples is that they are selfish.
Normally, one partner is selfish and the other is giving. This works for a while, but eventually, the giver is tired of giving. A giving partner won’t say anything until they have had as much as they can take.
Some givers slowly stop giving a little bit at a time. The taker begins to think the giver is losing interest and may be having an affair since the giver is as much into sex as they once were. Truth is, they are not having an affair, unless they find someone who will give to them without needing anything back, and that is usually a hooker.
Some givers keep going until they reach a point where they will not give any more. These givers usually blow up at the taker and walk away.
Both types of givers build up resentment toward the taker. It is difficult for a taker to rebuild the love they lost. Partly because giving is so foreign to a taker. One of the classic things a taker will say to a giver when the taker does not seem to be doing good enough at giving is, “You gotta give me a chance.”
No, the giver does not. The giver has already given the taker as much as the taker is going to get until the giver’s resentment has gone, and that is usually as long of time as was spent when the taker was only taking.