Every man should learn the basics of hockey. You don’t need to be a stats wiz, but you should learn enough that whenever anyone asks, “who is the greatest hockey player of all time?” Your immediate reaction is, “Bobby Orr!”
If you ever feel yourself with even the slightest urge to say, “Alex Ovechkin” just castrate yourself now. It is a little known fact AO’s bobble head has a removable head to reveal the end of the spring is a razor blade. It was originally intended to allow his fans to slit their wrists. But it was discovered that Ovarian (hattip to my friend who helped me fall in love with hockey again), which is now the official Things name for the Lame 8, fans are too much of a pussy, yes, collectively they make one giant Ovagina, to kill themselves.
As a result, Ovarian fans are encouraged to use their bobblehead razors to slice their hockey sticks off.
Like all Ovaries, he initially promised to bring new life to a team that was having trouble on a monthly basis. Little did we know, yes, I am still a Caps fan, but not an Ovarian fan, that he was actually a cancer. So long as we have him on the team, all Caps playoff berths will be stillborn.
Sure, he has led the most goals…with far more shots than others have taken to get there. Look at the percentages. How many more points would have the Caps, if he had given the puck to a teammate in a better position?
Look at the winning percentage the team had while he was benched for several games.
And speaking of his bench time. This time is when he was revealed to be a cancer. During that time, I have from a reliable source, his locker room conduct was destroying the team as a whole.
Until Ovarian leaves, and according to his $9.5 Million per year contract, that won’t happen for another 11 years, the Caps are going to become the team that washedups and hasbeens come to kill their career.
Speaking of hasbeens and washedups…the team just hired Dale Hunter as head coach, giving Bruce the bootreau. Maybe the coach didn’t bring them a Stanley Cup in four years, and maybe last year was the last legit year he should have been there, but still. Hunter’s achievement as a player is undeniable. His effort in charge of his London, Ontario team is not so much. Rumor is that he has any success because he hires the parents of his stars to sign top talent.
Do I dare mention his multiple DUIs?
What’s next? The Redskins hire Sandusky to run their Punt, Pass, and Kick competition?
And back to the Ovarian Cancer. He is no doubt the reason Boudreau lost control of the team. While he was benched, he corrupted the team against the coach.
Once a player does that, he destroys a team. The best McPhee can do now is trade out all of his talent for picks and cash to rebuild the team.
One final note. I am a Caps fan. I am NOT a Late 8 fan. On a positive note, it was great to see Sid the Kid back on the ice. But, I doubt his career will be as long as it could have been. For all you Sid haters, whether you like the Pens, you must admit talent when you see it.