It is normal to hate an ex. She is someone, at some time in the past, that you found attractive, or attractive enough, to want to be with. As time progresses, you get to know more about a person.
The unfortunate thing is, we tend to paint an incredible picture of the relationship we establish. Everything is rainbows and unicorns in a field of cotton candy with rivers of lemonade flowing from mountains of gold.
With each day, we begin to learn the flaws of our significant other. With each flaw, our rainbow, unicorn, cotton candy world begins to look less beautiful, and more like real life. Eventually, the flaws get too unbearable…your perfect world gets destroyed. You begin to resent the person who caused the destruction of it.
That resentment turns to hatred. And, you remove them from your life, and seek another who can help you build that perfect world again.
OK, how do you avoid it in the future?
First, realize that your perfect world may not be her perfect world. She is a human with different life experiences. Life experiences are what form our joys and sorrows. Those joys and sorrows are what form our perfect world…the existence of our joys and the abscence of our sorrows.
Instead of setting expectations of how they can help you build your perfect place, focus on discovering what their perfect world looks like. If their perfect world is your perfect world, then, you can begin building it with them. If it is not, consider whether it is a world that can exist in your perfect solar system. If the answer to that is, “No,” then you need to move on before you invest too much into something that is not going to provide satisfaction.
Keep in mind, helping another build their perfect world may be satisfying to you, so do not just walk away if they do not want your perfect world. Just keep in mind also, that they may not appreciate your effort, and may not reciprocate. The more you can find that out beforehand, the better you can make a decision that best suits your desires. Chances are, most people will not reciprocate. Even many who do, do not doi so in equal proportion to how much you invest.